Being noble and honest with your loved ones. Do you think that’s right? Seems rational and unarguable doesn’t it? But then again lets think about it a bit more. We are humans. We all make mistakes. That’s in our nature….or so we keep telling ourselves to make ourselves feel better about our mess ups or decisions. So what if you’ve made a mistake which you know will obviously disappoint or piss off your partner? Something like lets say cheating. Do you go and tell the truth with your fingers crossed hoping for forgiveness? Or do you keep it hidden telling yourself that by doing so you are protecting yourself but especially your partner? Relationships and marriages are full of lies, either if they are big ones or small ones. That’s a fact of life.
Let us first see one side of the argument : where you tell the truth. What do you hope to accomplish by doing so? That you’re being honest with your partner which he/she should acknowledge and give you gratitude and forgiveness for choosing not to hide it? How very noble. Im sure you’d agree that we see that happening all the time to ppl around us. And most of the time if it’s a guy confessing, the girl accepts the apology and forgives him for his honesty. In my opinion that’s jes plain stupidity. But their life, their choice, their decision, their loss or gain. Too bad its mostly a different scenario the other way around. OR when you find the truth do you feel so betrayed on your trust that you decide “he who did it once will probably do it again” and declare that you don’t want any more part in it?
Now lets look at the other approach where you don’t confess. Lets face it. In atleast 80% of the marriages at one point or the other either the husband or the wife cheats on the other. Even if its jes once or a few times. And from that group of couples, probably 80% of them dont even realize that they had been cheated on. The truth is almost never revealed until its found out in some way, in which case the cheater decides to spill all the beans and proclaim that he/she chose to be honest. So what’s their rationale in this issue? Lets look at it this way. You go and tell your partner that for example you’ve been with another girl a long time back or whatever. That it was only a one time thing blah blah blah. Generalizing it, one of two things will happen in that scenario. Either she will forgive you acknowledging you’ve been honest and things will remain SOMEWHAT the same(ofcourse it wont be the same no matter how hard she tries to make it appear so). Or a huge problem would arise with an end result of her leaving you. So the Question now is….is it worth it? It certainly wont get any better by you being honest. So why take that risk when you’ve got nothing to gain but everything to loose?
Speaking for the other side lets say confessing is certainly better than her finding out later on before you tell her. But then again, EVEN if she finds out you’ll once again be faced with the previous scenario now wont you? You’ll seek forgiveness and assure her it wont happen again and await judgement. So why make that scenario a certainty? Why not jes wait it out and hopefully no one needs to know about it. And don’t worry, you’ll get over that feeling of guilt you might have. So this way, you remain happy that you’re still with your partner without all those complications that come with the confession and she remains happy thinking you never cheated on her. A win win situation. Ofcourse im not implying that you should be a liar or any of that. Jes that sometimes its better to keep your mouth shut without having the need to be all noble and honest. If you wanna be all noble and honest, then don’t cheat on her or do anything else of the sort in the first place. What she doesn’t know wont hurt her. But then again I guess it all depends on the circumstances of that certain situation (so now this way everyone who reads this will get to tell themselves that if something like this has happened to them, they weren’t wrong in their judgements as their ‘situation’ and ‘circumstances’ were very different. Whistle Whistle). Which now brings us to the topic of ‘compromise’ which id better write in a different post.
8 comments:
not knowing rather than knowing is a bliss arent it? what she doesnt know wont hurt her? if u dont tell her its not a lie because she doesnt need to know it in the first place, now if she asks and u lie then you are lying, but id recommend u dont unless ur girlfriend's a real drama queen,
if she asks then u can always make sure if there's anyway for someone to prove it IF you lie about it. if there's no such way then u could always go into denial. she's bound to take your word over whomever thats telling her without any solid proof.
but if there is a way to prove it IF you lie, then you could always tell the truth, say its a one time thing, that u were weak , that ur a human being who made a silly mistake which u wont EVER repeat followed by few gestures of how much you love her. that should convince her to go for the "he deserves a second chance" slot.
i think it depends. if i hav done something befor i startd a relationship wid someone thn its non of her business. i wudnt tell her. whatevr happend is happnd. if we we wanna play "truth-noble" gam. its mor lik witch huntin. com on if yu really wanna find out a fault in som one, yu are deemed to find out millions.
havin said all that if this somthin really involves her then i would tell her. bt only if she asks abt her. bt what ever happns after we are a thing. thn i would definitly wud tell her.
this is me :p
As for me id probly tell her too cos im sure i wont do sumthing like that behind her back. but if someone does such a thing, what i mentioned in this post seems to me the reasonable approach. *shrug*
As a matter of fact it all depends on the circumstance but as u said maybe its the best way to face the truth and being honest coz one way or another if she ends up finding the truth u end up making excuses or juz asking for forgiveness... so y not tell the truth and convince her its the past.. As long as its the past and is not the present, if she loves u she'd definitely accept u for who u are.. why create probs later in the relationship and maybe end it while u can deal with it earlier?? ^_^
@selfish girl: err.....actually i was saying its usually better not to own up unless you really have to. what she doesnt know wont hurt her. and plus, if the guy is that noble or honest and truthful in the first place then he wouldnt have done the deed. but whatever uve done before u met her can be cleared up like u said "tell the truth and convince her its the past".
arra write the other past of this post.. wud luv to read it.. :))
sowi.. i mean *part*
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