Reality Stranger than Fiction

There was this one time....well, it does happen quite often but not like this certain time. We were out at anchorage for a MONTH due to complications, delay of cargo to be precise. Everyone onboard always brings along about 2 cartons of cigarette when we leave on a voyage. but nobody guessed this certain one would last a month without getting to touch land.

Not only were we running out of food and water, but most importantly(for most ppl anyway) we were short on cigarettes. the quickest puffers the earliest. Pretty soon everyone was getting sick.....for a puff. Upto the point where arguments and lashing outs were a daily habit. Just then, there were rumours that someone onboard still had some. Everyone rushed to him at once and started bidding. The guy had no intention of selling but then again everyone and everything has a breaking price.

How much did the winner of the bid pay? Rf350. Here in Male' we can get a carton for Rf155. thats more than TWICE that amount. i know i know, ur thinking its not that much to pay considering its jes twice the price and there was a shortage. but here's the catch. the price of Rf350 WASNT for a carton.......it was for a single packet. Yes! a single packet consisting of 20 cigarettes was sold for the price of 400 cigarettes. Thats Rf17.5 for a single cigarette which would last what......2-3mins? But then again....its just another day at sea where weird stuff happens all the time. Like they say "sometimes reality can be stranger than fiction".

Yet Another Useless Theory

Ive thought of writing this one for almost 2 months now but due to certain inconsistencies in it at the time, didn’t want to post it. But now things have changed in favor of this so called theory at the cost of diminished hopes and dreams of many with shocking changes in our views.

Applying to everyone who was born after 1980 and after you’ve reached 18years of age(wanted to say 20 here, but lets leave it at that), there are five outcomes for a relationship within 2 years.
1) You’d get married
2) One of the two starts cheating
3) You’d have sex
4) You’d breakup
5) (open for suggestion)

So in short, in order for a relationship to survive for more than two years sex has to come into play. Sex is the one major issue which keeps a relationship stable or together, screw love and the rest of em. Doesn’t work that way. Not anymore as times have changed. Love and the rest of em comes on the side now. Apparently now love can only be shown or received through sex. hehe.

Ofcourse there are exceptions. Cos lets face it. You cant really say that you’ve been in a relationship for 2 yrs if you’ve been abroad studying for 1 and a half years without being able to meet. Or if you’re unable to meet your partner even once a week. Because if so, then ‘choice’ has already been taken out of the equation. Disappointingly enough, I haven’t yet come across a relationship which proved this so called theory wrong……almost did though. But I sure hope there are ppl out there who’s proved it wrong.

The truth about marriage and how it turns out most of the time.(part 2 of 2)

He goes out to work everyday and meets single women of all ages and in this society we live in age difference is no longer an issue. Not to mention the fact that women seem to be getting much hotter as the newer generations come to age. So the women he meets at his work place or elsewhere are much younger, hotter, erotic and more tempting than his wife had ever been. And nowadays its not rare to see women hitting on men. We see it all the time. Not to mention married men even having sex with girls of only 18yrs old…..with them knowing that the guy is married. Girls are hitting on older men with higher paying salaries and the above average ranking men in society as well. Afterall, women want someone who can take care of them and make their lives easier. Plus the guy keeps on making empty promises about how he’s gonna divorce his wife for this girl and blah blah blah, which the girl foolishly falls for later on justifying to herself that she was jes young and “growing up”.

Sooner or later the guy breaks and gives in to his lust. The title “married” doesn’t stop him anymore. “No one needs to know” comes into play. And once he starts he cant stop anymore. Better yet most men get away with it for years to come. In the rare occasion he does get caught that’s when he can once again use his kids to his advantage. Now the wife is thinking “what would happen to my kids if I get a divorce now? I have to think about them and stop being so selfish. Not just that. What about me? Im not half as attractive as I used to be. Who would take me if I leave my husband? I would most probably be a single mother my whole life. I can somewhat understand that it is my fault as well. Afterall, im not able to satisfy him fully anymore”. So then the husband jes tells her that he wont cheat on her again, makes a few promises, has sex with her a couple of times and then when all is forgiven he’s back at it again.

The wife cant even complain anymore, cos as soon as the husband realizes he is in power or that she is in need of him, he starts taking advantage of it. It might be unintentional at first. He is rarely home, there’s arguments all the time, threats of divorcing her. Some other single men actually take advantage of this critical time of arguments and so and so to make empty promises to these women. Women rarely tell their female friends that her husband isn’t sleeping with her anymore. So when this new guy shows an interest in her, she spills out all her sorrows onto him. In return the guy keeps assuring her that she is extremely hot and that he would do her any day. When this goes on for a while, she then has sex with him out of insecurity and to get that old rush back. But almost every single time in the end the guy leaves her when he has had his fill and she is back in her hopeless marriage regretting what she had done but unable to tell anyone about it out of shame. She starts wondering what in the world happened to that wonderful man she fell madly in love with and got married to. But now its too late for that and its now time to cherish those good times and accept the current one saying that its jes how life works.

But if she is lucky sex with that single guy turns out great which leads to it repeating over and over again. and if everything works out well(rarely does) she now has the upper hand over her husband and wont hesitate to get a divorce. Because by now this single guy is willing to marry her if she gets a divorce. But she can never be sure until she gets that divorce. And the thought that “he approached and had sex with a married woman. What’s going to stop him from doing it with someone else after he marries me?” doesn’t come to mind. Even if it does, it is easily brushed off with the justification “what we have is different and special. He truly loves and cares for me”.

And it feels as if things would be a lot worse lets say 10-20 years from now as nowadays cheating is a very common thing even among relationships as most of them are aware that they can get away with it. And now its not jes men, but even women are at it. So jes imagine how they would be a couple of years from now when they all get married and have kids of their own.

I realize that the post is quite pessimistic but then again this is indeed what happens to the majority of marriages even if the whole cycle doesn’t complete. Atleast most people have the luxury to live blindly and not even be aware that either their husband or wife cheats on a regular basis which actually might be a good thing that its not found out. *shrug* 

The truth about marriage and how it turns out most of the time.(part 1 of 2)

You spend your youth being with one girl after the other while telling yourself that you were either in love or had something special with each and every girl you were with. But due to faults from one side or the other, or due to dissatisfaction in one thing or the other your relationships come to an end. All the while you keep telling yourself that someone much better will come along. But each relationship is new and different in their own way. They all have their ups and downs. Before long you realize that the people around you are getting married one after the other. Some of them have started having kids. You feel as if your biological clock is ticking and have this need or urge to follow the saying “monkey see monkey do”. Your relatives are bugging you and so are your friends. Pretty soon your current girlfriend starts nagging as well…..cos she feels that HER biological clock is ticking much faster. Both of you want to enjoy married life. A life where you can have legal sex and be around each other more. Since currently its only a relationship, you seem to have certain restrictions. Be it that your gf doesn’t let you get into her pants for fear of god o sumthing else, or be it that you aren’t able to have sex as much as you want to, or meet as often as you want to. Both of you seem to be in the prime of your youth. You feel that if you do get married all those problems can be solved.

You feel that you’re ready for a marriage all the while knowing that your lust for women as a whole will always be there. But you tell yourself that everything will change once you’re married. You tell yourself that she is indeed “the one”. So you get married in the end. If you look you’ll see that the majority of ppl who go into an early marriage are ones that believe in sex after marriage. So the really religious ones marry earliest, the moderate ones marry a bit later and those ppl who doesn’t believe in sex after marriage and who does it while being in relationships marry the last.

Then ofcourse either the guy or the girl has that need to keep the other faithful. Marriage apparently seems to have an effect on how much a person will stay faithful. Better to tie the knot fast in order to keep him or her from cheating on you with some other guy as its not a big deal to breakup a relationship but it’s a lot complicated when one decides to get a divorce. There will also be a lot of other factors to think about if you’re married.

Marriage is usually followed by wonderful days. Some things can be quite difficult to handle once you start living together. But the sex and the freedom is worth it all. After all, now you’re doing it 3-4 times a day. As the weeks turn into months you realize that the number of times you have sex has been reduced. Its to be expected. It might still be great but its not as important anymore as it used to be. Because even if its sex you keep on having the same thing over and over again. You soon realize you have the need to spice it up and try different things to fully satisfy yourself and her. Those problems or difficulties of marriage that you’ve pushed down, now seems like they are getting more and more difficult to tolerate…..more difficult to compromise….even if little by little.

Then comes the point where either the husband or the wife starts feeling as if they are growing apart. That’s when the baby talk starts. Ofcourse there will also be the want to have kids as well. Pretty soon the kid is what keeps the parents together. This is why marriage rarely works if the couple waits more than a few years(lets say abt 5yrs) to have a kid.

But it seems having a kid is like a double edged blade. As along with the baby comes a lot of other stuff. The wife starts to have saggy boobs and a similar bum. Stretch marks have already appeared all over. And to top it off the responsibility of having a kid comes into play as well. All of which in turn has a tremendous effect on your sex life. The already deteriorating sex life gets even more complicated. The wife is too busy with the baby and too tired when the baby’s asleep. The husband starts making joking comments(at first it appears as jokes) about her looks fading which actually makes the matter worse. By now even if sex is very important to the guy, sex with his wife aint anymore….not as much as it used to.

Relativity of Compromise

A small theory(cant really be called one though) I shared with a couple of friends one night we had an overnight(alson, shabeen and zee-man) at al’s place. After I explained this so called theory we came up with a name for it which came out sumthing like “the relativity of compromise” :s .A simple Question. We always talk about who the better half of a relationship is when we see one. Whether if it’s the girl or the guy. Now the question is “How do you determine who the better half of the relationship is?”. Using the relativity of compromise, the answer is quite simple. The better half is determined by finding out whom among the couple makes the greater compromise. Obviously one person will always compromise more than the other. And that person is automatically known as the better half of that relationship. Which ofcourse means that if a person compromises very little, the other person has to compromise a lot to make it work or balance. Which brings us to the next Question “How does one determine when its time to break up?”. And here’s the answer. When you aren’t willing to compromise more than your current level and when the partner isn’t compromising as much as you want him/her to. That’s when you realize that its not going to work out anymore and push for a breakup.

Likewise if two people who cant get along at all will both need to compromise a lot for it to work out. So somewhere along the way one of them encounters the answer to the second Question I asked and breaks it off. And two people who get along very well will both probably compromise very little which makes theirs an easy relationship. So now try to measure all those problems and stuff in your relationship using this relativity of compromise and ull see that it makes a lot of sense. For example lets say you want a girl who is extremely hot with a stunning body and who has a great personality. And lets say you meet someone who that stunning body but doesn’t quite have the personality bit…if for example to be specific lets say you want her to be caring and funny. Lets say the only thing she doesn’t have is being funny. Now it comes down to if you are willing to compromise that or not. It depends on your level of compromise. Hope you got what im trying to say here. So try it out. But ofcourse keep in mind that the level of compromise from either side can change in the course of that relationship which means the partner has to adjust his/her level of compromise or break up.

P.S- im trying to make my posts shorter *whistle*

Song to say Goodbye

You are one of God's mistakes,
You crying, tragic waste of skin,
I'm well aware of how it aches ,
And you still won't let me in.
Now I'm breaking down your door,
To try and save your swollen face ,
Though I don't like you anymore,
You lying, trying waste of space..

Before our innocence was lost,
You were always one of those ,
Blessed with lucky sevens ,
And the voice that made me cry .
My Oh My.

You were mother nature's son ,
Someone to whom I could relate ,
Your needle and your damage done,
Remains a sordid twist of fate.
Now I'm trying to wake you up ,
To pull you from the liquid sky ,
Coz if I don't we'll both end up ,
With just your song to say goodbye.
My Oh My.

A song to say goodbye,
A song to say goodbye ,
A song to say...

Before our innocence was lost,
You were always one of those,
Blessed with lucky sevens,
And the voice that made me cry.

-Placebo-

Changes

Remember how your love life was like at the beginning? The very first couple of girls you dated or hit on. How crazy you were for her. How romantic all your ideas were. You’d be giving her treats and buying her flowers occasionally. You’d be doing romantic stuff for her which you never imagined you would ever attempt. You’d be totally in love with the girl and be absolutely sure that its really love. Something special about that certain girl which makes her stand out. Then you’d finally win her over. You begin to experience life as you’ve never felt before. Longing to always be with her. Longing to see her or even hear her voice. It would be like everything else in your life was aligning as well.

Then comes the breakup. Something you never expected would happen. I mean this was the perfect girl. So how could it end? This was supposed to be that special girl who stood out. And everything was going rather smoothly. No matter how hard you try and how hard you fight it, the relationship comes to an end. You fall into despair. Feeling sick of life. As if your whole life had just come crashing down. But in time after a lot of struggling you manage to get over her and move on.

You start meeting new people. And you meet someone special again. But this time you lower your expectations. You lower the effort you put into pursuing her affection. Those romantic stuff you did last time……that feeling has gone down a lot. Especially that feeling you had of really wanting to do those romantic stuff. So has the hopes and effort you put into that relationship. The extent of your patience, sacrifice and compromise is diminishing as well. Before you know it you’ve broken up with her too. Except this time you don’t really care. And the cycle goes on. But each time it becomes less real. The image of the girl’s you date are slowly changing to the extent where you refer to her as your current ‘girl’. She’s pretty much lost her identity. She is now jes another girl whom you have around to fulfill your loneliness and desires. Sometimes you do romantic stuff for her. But this time you do it not because you really want to, but this time you’re doing it because you want to extend the expiry date of the relationship. And also because you know that she would make it up to you afterwards which is actually the real reason why you were being romantic now.

So why do most guys do that? Is it because they got hurt when they really meant it and now they refuse to get emotional again? Or have they really lost it? Or maybe cos now they don’t have to put in much effort to get what they want out of the girl? That would surely explain why 90% of married men loose their romantic side. Or even maybe that girls aren’t so important anymore as he’s jes discovered that there’s a whole ocean full of them to a ratio of three girls for every guy? Or was it four? Don’t remember.
Or maybe he doesn’t want to get hurt again.

Now imagine that same guy falls in love again. It had been so long since he last felt that way. All those emotions that he had pushed down are rising up again. That side of him that he had locked away has come back. Why? Maybe he feels that this girl is more than worth it all. Maybe he feels that the girl is worth taking that risk. Maybe he wants to give this certain girl his all for a change. If it works out well….Hallelujah? what if it doesn’t? Can you then really blame the guy if he goes around shagging women after that? If he refuses to let himself be emotional or to really fall in love ever again? Jes how many wives are 100% sure that their husband truly loves them? Do they really think that jes because the guy chose her to get married to and start a life with that he truly loves her? What if he has taken the next step(getting married) in life after skipping the “madly falling in love with the girl” step? Is he thinking “she’s good in bed. I guess she’ll do”. Or maybe “She’s the faithful type. She’ll do fine”. OR “she’s dumb and will believe everything I say to her. She’s perfect!”.

Jes as there are a lot of men who doesn’t know much about women, there are also a lot women who don’t know about men. Especially the ones they are with. So now the question which arises is “How do you know that the guy really means what he’s saying or doing? How do you know if he’s jes saying what you want to hear? Maybe it depends on jes how much effort he puts into what he does or says? All I have to say about that is “you’ll probably know it when you see it. You’ll KNOW for sure that he wouldn’t have gone this far or put himself in such a vulnerable and embarrassing situation if he really didn’t mean it. That pride thing is a huge deal for guys”.

On a different note, here’s a question. “When would a girl know for sure if the guy really loves her for who she is or not?” My opinion or answer to that is when she looses her looks. Maybe when she gets a kid or looses her sex appeal. *shrug*. So when does a guy know for sure if the girl truly loves him for who he is? When he looses his money? Who knows. What do you think?

The Leap

This is something i wrote a week or so back.

I dunno about you but something that ive noticed. When you’re at your most vulnerable state or when you’re feeling emotional or really hurt whom do you turn to? Ofcourse i dont mean family and best friends. Have you ever found yourself showing your most vulnerable side, that side which you're too ashamed or shy to show to ppl to a certain someone who is a potential partner? Its as if there's this part of you inside who feels safe and who trusts this certain someone more than you're willing to acknowledge. And the funny thing is that this person might be someone whom you’ve vowed never to talk to or get close to on several occasions. But you still end up going back when you’re hurt the most. Be it physically or emotionally. Not to mention the connection that you make on that occasion. As if you’ve found a treasure which you’ve lost years back. A feeling of comfort that you rarely feel. You soon realize you’ve totally given into that person. You’ve unclenched yourself. All those feelings, secrets, worries and the burden you’ve been carrying by yourself are slowly eased onto that person as if you’re giving a sigh of relief. Jes talking about it all seems to give that big a relief. As if a huge load has been lifted off your chest. What’s amazing is that all it took was one conversation with this person. And you find yourself at a state that you could be in with someone only maybe after being years together with a person. Such a high level of trust is developed within minutes.

The funny thing is when you finally end that conversation and wake up the next morning, and when you’re back to yourself and in control, you feel as if its no longer there. As if you’re trying so hard not to acknowledge what had happened the previous day. You find yourself in denial justifying it to yourself saying that you were simply emotional. So why is it almost always the same person you turn to when you’re in that state? Its not like you don’t have close friends or family either. But it doesn’t feel half the same with them. That’s when you wonder what would happen if you lost that person. Or if that person walks out of your life. And before you know it, you’ve pushed that thought aside as you don’t want to think about it. You jes tell yourself that if all goes down the drain there will always be others. But will there? Will you be able to find such a person again? Someone with whom you can feel that secure and at ease with? You look back into the past and realize that all your life you’ve never met someone like this before. Someone with whom you were able to take it to that level as if subconsciously. As if your inner self is longing for this and giving outbursts every now and then wishing you would listen to yourself for once instead of the people around you. Taking all the pros and cons to atleast consider it. When you’re all alone and when you really think about it all in a neutral point of view, you always arrive at the same answer. To go for it and give it a shot. But why is it so hard to accept it and actually take that step? Maybe its your insecurities. And you want to resolve those insecurities before you go for it. But then again is waiting really the way to go with it? When you think of waiting so many ‘what if’s start to arise the worst of which is that you might loose this person to someone else jes like that overnight. Whereas going for it is perfect in so many different ways and perspectives. But I guess it all comes down to actually having the faith to make that leap.

Compromise

Compromise. Something which I believe defines the outcome or the longevity of a marriage or relationship. We all have faults and flaws. We’ve all gone through different circumstances as we grew up and faced different problems which contributed to defining how we turned out to be. So its no surprise that each one of us are different in our own way. There’s no two ppl whose gone through everything exactly the same and who has exactly the same likes and dislikes. Something I like to say a lot which I think kind of applies here as well : “Your favourite colour might be red while mine might be blue. That doesn’t mean since I like blue better than red, that you should feel the same way as I do. So I shouldn’t have a problem with you favouring red over blue the same as you shouldn’t have a problem with me favouring blue over red”.

When we meet someone we always try to portray the good side of ourselves to them. Especially to the opposite sex as you want them to be impressed. We rarely show our mess ups and most of the time we try to show to them what they want to see in us. But sooner or later the binds are open. Especially once you start a relationship or go further. That’s when you’re faced with a choice. Just how much of his/her behaviour which might not be totally to your liking are you willing to compromise for the better good or for the long run? In my opinion most of our expectations are too high. We want everything. The perfect guy/girl. There’s no such thing. It all comes down to compromising. Whether if you believe he/she is worth compromising those stuff that’s not to your liking and how much of it you are willing to compromise. This is again the point where we are divided into certain groups depending on our level of compromise. Or our tolerance in others. Maybe jes how stuck up we really are. Or jes how much hope and faith you can muster into something. Or how little something really means to you. Some may even call it the moment of truth. All these days in your attempts to impress others you’ve been trying to show more good/tolerance/patience etc than whom you really are. But when you’re faced with this so called ‘moment of truth’, that’s when the real you comes out into the open.

I believe a certain degree of compromise MUST be there from both partners in order for something special to work out. A story a wise man once told me. “lets say my wife likes to keep my wallet open whenever I keep it at home. But I want it to be closed all the time. And since I tell her that all the time she puts some effort into it and left it half closed one day. Its still not how I wanted it to be as I want to see it fully closed. I know that she wants it open but nevertheless she has made an effort and closed it halfway. So instead of complaining like I usually do I say to myself that this’ll be enough for me. That she doesn’t need to close it fully.” And that my friends is how a relationship or a marriage will work out. When both the guy and the girl puts an effort into the relationship and when there’s compromise involved from both sides. Or else you’re jes being arrogant and selfish.

And to those people who feel like their opinions, likes and dislikes mean everything over everyone else’s, you need to take a close look at yourselves. You’ve got so many flaws too. Physical, mental, status, wealth etc etc. We all do. There’s nothing special about you over everyone else. Be glad that you’ve met someone or people who are willing to compromise all your flaws, people who chose to disregard all your short comings. Those are the people that really matter. So hold them close before you realize too late that you’re all alone with just a handful of people who are struggling to put up the face that they really care for you and understand you. You never know when they would reach their limits as well and abandon you. But the problem we face is that we hold on to the saying “I am who I am. If you dont accept me for who I am then you don’t matter to me”. We take that saying in the wrong way. People whose heads are way up in the sky and feel that the world must revolve around them. So learn to compromise. Its not that hard. :p

Being Noble

Being noble and honest with your loved ones. Do you think that’s right? Seems rational and unarguable doesn’t it? But then again lets think about it a bit more. We are humans. We all make mistakes. That’s in our nature….or so we keep telling ourselves to make ourselves feel better about our mess ups or decisions. So what if you’ve made a mistake which you know will obviously disappoint or piss off your partner? Something like lets say cheating. Do you go and tell the truth with your fingers crossed hoping for forgiveness? Or do you keep it hidden telling yourself that by doing so you are protecting yourself but especially your partner? Relationships and marriages are full of lies, either if they are big ones or small ones. That’s a fact of life.

Let us first see one side of the argument : where you tell the truth. What do you hope to accomplish by doing so? That you’re being honest with your partner which he/she should acknowledge and give you gratitude and forgiveness for choosing not to hide it? How very noble. Im sure you’d agree that we see that happening all the time to ppl around us. And most of the time if it’s a guy confessing, the girl accepts the apology and forgives him for his honesty. In my opinion that’s jes plain stupidity. But their life, their choice, their decision, their loss or gain. Too bad its mostly a different scenario the other way around. OR when you find the truth do you feel so betrayed on your trust that you decide “he who did it once will probably do it again” and declare that you don’t want any more part in it?

Now lets look at the other approach where you don’t confess. Lets face it. In atleast 80% of the marriages at one point or the other either the husband or the wife cheats on the other. Even if its jes once or a few times. And from that group of couples, probably 80% of them dont even realize that they had been cheated on. The truth is almost never revealed until its found out in some way, in which case the cheater decides to spill all the beans and proclaim that he/she chose to be honest. So what’s their rationale in this issue? Lets look at it this way. You go and tell your partner that for example you’ve been with another girl a long time back or whatever. That it was only a one time thing blah blah blah. Generalizing it, one of two things will happen in that scenario. Either she will forgive you acknowledging you’ve been honest and things will remain SOMEWHAT the same(ofcourse it wont be the same no matter how hard she tries to make it appear so). Or a huge problem would arise with an end result of her leaving you. So the Question now is….is it worth it? It certainly wont get any better by you being honest. So why take that risk when you’ve got nothing to gain but everything to loose?

Speaking for the other side lets say confessing is certainly better than her finding out later on before you tell her. But then again, EVEN if she finds out you’ll once again be faced with the previous scenario now wont you? You’ll seek forgiveness and assure her it wont happen again and await judgement. So why make that scenario a certainty? Why not jes wait it out and hopefully no one needs to know about it. And don’t worry, you’ll get over that feeling of guilt you might have. So this way, you remain happy that you’re still with your partner without all those complications that come with the confession and she remains happy thinking you never cheated on her. A win win situation. Ofcourse im not implying that you should be a liar or any of that. Jes that sometimes its better to keep your mouth shut without having the need to be all noble and honest. If you wanna be all noble and honest, then don’t cheat on her or do anything else of the sort in the first place. What she doesn’t know wont hurt her. But then again I guess it all depends on the circumstances of that certain situation (so now this way everyone who reads this will get to tell themselves that if something like this has happened to them, they weren’t wrong in their judgements as their ‘situation’ and ‘circumstances’ were very different. Whistle Whistle). Which now brings us to the topic of ‘compromise’ which id better write in a different post.

I kid you not!

It happened last night around 4am or so. we played some songs nearing sunset and had left the speaker set unplugged from the laptop. It had been like that since then. Decided to turn in at 4 and was shutting down all the electric equipment when i heard it. someone reciting quran. And it was coming from the speaker set. i mean there was still power in it but it was unplugged from the computer. i checked a few times jes to make sure the sound was coming from the speakers. even turned off the power. as soon as i turned it off the reciting ceased. and when i turned it back on it started again. WEEIIRD!! im jes wondering how it couldve happened. Any ideas? oh yea, i dont have quran recitations files on my laptop. And this is jes a normal speaker set with a sub-woofer. Brand is fantasia.

and yea, i checked jes now to see if its still there. and weirdly enough now some hindi song is coming from it at a very low volume, can be heard when u actually put the speaker closer to ur ears. Even if i turn the volume from the speaker completely down, its still there. :s

Oral Exams???

Sorry for the very late update. So i figured id write down the reason for it and turn it into a post.hehe. Im sure you mustve all heard of Oral exams. well, ive got one thats been biting me on my arse recently. And thats my excuse right there.

In the field im in we have to undergoe three individual courses each of which is followed by a final oral exam followed by work experience of 12months before we can do the next one. The funny part is all those High Distinctions and Distinctions you get from the 18 or so short courses you have to do in each of the study period doesnt mean squat. As long as you get a pass in everyone, youve got yourself an oral exam. Now this exam is the one on which EVERYTHING depends on. For me....my whole life depends on it.

Here's the exam. A qualified examiner from the main Maritime organisation here in Australia would be doing the exam. I have to go there all dressed up for this 'one on one' session. He starts asking me Questions one after the other.....for TWO FRICKIN HOURS. He can ask upto 2-3Qs per minute meaning over 300 Qs. He gets to ask ANY question he wants as long as its in this field....even if its something we havent been taught as long as he feels like i should know the answer. He can show me an instrument asking me to name the parts, ask me to draw a diagram of a certain object/instrument labelling the part that you may find anywhere on a ship, or even ask me to do a mathematical question which might take 5-10mins to do asking me to do it WITHOUT a calculator.

EVERYTHING depends on who the examiner is and his mood at that time. Some examiners have even gone for 2hr 45mins. And here's the interesting bit. There is no score...there are no marks allocated...you dont have to get a certain percentage of the Questions correct. From those 300 Qs all you have to mess up is ONE SINGLE QUESTION for him to say that its a fail. But ofcourse, depending on his mood he might allow 3-4 mess ups and might settle for 1hr 45mins. Maybe i should go to the exam with a 6-pack or maybe a fruit basket. And also complimenting him every now and then throughout the 2hrs making him feel like he's the king or something. *shrug*

Now for the consequences if you fail. You can do a resit after 2 weeks provided you can make the appointment along with $370 for the next exam. Oh yes. You can do only two re-sits. If you fail the next one, the final re-sit can be done after a month from that fail date and if you fail the last re-sit, you can do the exam again after you've had SIX MONTHS WORK EXPERIENCE ON A SHIP(not to mention all the expenses to renew your visa and all the paperwork and payments along the way). And if you have to wait even for a month and two weeks the living costs go upto approximately $1500-$2000.

So in my opinion the whole thing doesnt make much sense. I mean i can totally understand if even lets say there were like a 1000 Qs from which each examiner gets to pick any 200-300 Qs. Instead of them getting to ask ANY Question they want. This classmate of mine was failed after 2hrs of Qs when he was asked to do this mathematical sum without a calculator. And this was a calculation to find the approximate position of his ship in an emergency. Nowadays we've got all this technology and all these different instruments which help us do it. Anyways, his working was correct but he made a small mistake with the calculation part of a particular step. He was failed right there saying that "there MIGHT arise a scenario where all the instruments and all those other aids available to you fails. And you might not even have a calculator with you." Helloooooo. if by some weird coincidence or freak of nature it happens, wont the person atleast do the sum two or three times to make sure his working was correct or atleast have someone else do it as well? And he was FAILED after 2hrs for that? For the love of god. tsk tsk tsk. No wonder people seem like they are gonna fly away when you meet them after theyve passed.
P.S- I never seem to be able to write anything short now am i?

RESTLESS

I lay on my bed. I couldn’t go to sleep. I was lying on my bed for so long….thinking about her. I just couldn’t sleep. Her face. Her eyes. Her smile. I closed my eyes and they just kept circling in front of me. I couldn’t get rid of the face no matter how hard I tried. Maybe it was because I didn’t want to get rid of such a beautiful sight.

I woke up feeling hot all over. Immediately the thoughts came surging back into my head like a glass of milk pouring into a bowl of cereal. Though I was sweating all over, my heart was shivering with cold. And I felt an emptiness inside me. My heartbeats were so strange. And so loud. I couldn’t stop it no matter how hard I tried. I just wanted to wrap my hands around my heart to make the cold go away. Though I barely slept the past days, I wasn’t one bit sleepy. I was lying on my bed, feeling light as a feather….floating.

There was darkness everywhere. Complete darkness all around me. Suddenly a speck of light could be seen from a distance. I started running towards the light. And there she was. The same sparkling eyes and angel smile. She was floating so gracefully just above the ground in the whitest of robes. Her long wavy black hair swayed ever so gently. Her pink lips could mesmerize even the most hesitant men. Her creamy white skin and her slim figure was breathtaking. She was possibly the greatest of God’s creations….so perfect. The mere sight of her filled my heart with light. So much joy….so much happiness. I looked deep into her gleaming eyes….into a different world. A world full of happiness….joy….and love. Huge fountains of honey and milk. The ground was covered in white pebbles, sapphires and diamonds. There wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere. The most wonderful light filled the whole place. There were trees of all types bearing the ripest of fruits. They looked so juicy and mouthwatering. The whole place was decorated with the most exotic flowers. In a distance buildings could be seen. No!….not just buildings. Castles!….castles made of bricks of gold and silver fashioned with jewels and pearls. So beautiful….so breathtaking. Who says that heaven isn’t a place on Earth?

There I was….looking at heaven through the eyes of the most graceful of God’s creations. I slowly stretched my hand towards her. And there was not a soul who could blame me for wanting her so bad. But do I deserve such beauty?….such magnificence?
The moment she saw me stretching my hand towards her, her smile slowly faded. And she started floating away from me. I cried out but there was no sound. No reply. I tried desperately to run towards her. But my legs were frozen in place. I felt the life being drained out of me as she moved further and further away from me. And I was helpless in stopping her. Darkness slowly closed in upon me in all directions. I was able to move once again. But she was nowhere in sight. I fell down on my knees. I felt my eyes watering. Slowly and painfully tears of blood slowly rolled down my cheeks. I felt so helpless….lonely….scared.

All life had been drained from my body. I felt weak and vulnerable. What did I do wrong? I didn’t deserve such sorrow. I never knew it was wrong to fall in love….wrong to want something so bad. How could she torture my heart like this? She turned away from me after showing me that she was the gateway to heaven on earth. I banged my fists on the small pool of blood that was forming on the floor. The darkness slowly devoured me.

Lost in thought, the days turned into months and months into years. My love for her didn’t change a bit. If anything had changed, it was time….and my health. Eventually, her thoughts would be the death of me. What would I have achieved then?….nothing. When I die, my soul would leave my body with the loss of two worlds……….

"The butterfly that flutters its wings and causes a hurricane on the other side of the world"

“The essence of nature is mathematical. There’s a hidden meaning beneath reality. Things are organized following a model, a scheme, a logical series. Even the tiny snowflake includes a numerical basis in its structure. Therefore, if we manage to discover the secret meaning of numbers, we will know the secret meaning of reality.”

Sounds nice and interesting doesn’t it? Now lets have a look at the other side of it.

“Since man is incapable of reconciling mind and matter, he tends to confer some sort of entity on ideas because he cannot bear the notion that the purely abstract only exists in our brain. The beauty and harmony of a snowflake, the butterfly that flutters its wings and causes a hurricane on the other side of the world. We’ve been hearing about that damn butterfly for decades but who has been able to predict a single hurricane? Nobody! Tell me something. Where is the beauty and harmony in cancer? What makes a cell suddenly decide to turn itself into a killer metastasis and destroy the rest of the cells in a healthy body? Does anybody know? No! Because we’d rather think of snowflakes and butterflies. Or Pain? War? So why? Because we need to think that life has meaning. That everything is governed by logic and not by mere chance. If I write 2, then 4, then 6, we feel good because we know that next comes 8. We can foresee it. We are not in the hands of destiny. Unfortunately however, this has nothing to do with truth. Don’t you agree? This is only fear. Sad.”

Now think about both of this. What comes to mind? What do we understand by the statement that is the topic? Im sure some of us will have totally different ideas and opinions about it. Or even if its roughly the same what are the differences? Can such events that revolve around our lives be foreseen or figured out beforehand? Can there be a secret meaning to reality?

-The 2008 movie “The Oxford Murders”-