The Leap

This is something i wrote a week or so back.

I dunno about you but something that ive noticed. When you’re at your most vulnerable state or when you’re feeling emotional or really hurt whom do you turn to? Ofcourse i dont mean family and best friends. Have you ever found yourself showing your most vulnerable side, that side which you're too ashamed or shy to show to ppl to a certain someone who is a potential partner? Its as if there's this part of you inside who feels safe and who trusts this certain someone more than you're willing to acknowledge. And the funny thing is that this person might be someone whom you’ve vowed never to talk to or get close to on several occasions. But you still end up going back when you’re hurt the most. Be it physically or emotionally. Not to mention the connection that you make on that occasion. As if you’ve found a treasure which you’ve lost years back. A feeling of comfort that you rarely feel. You soon realize you’ve totally given into that person. You’ve unclenched yourself. All those feelings, secrets, worries and the burden you’ve been carrying by yourself are slowly eased onto that person as if you’re giving a sigh of relief. Jes talking about it all seems to give that big a relief. As if a huge load has been lifted off your chest. What’s amazing is that all it took was one conversation with this person. And you find yourself at a state that you could be in with someone only maybe after being years together with a person. Such a high level of trust is developed within minutes.

The funny thing is when you finally end that conversation and wake up the next morning, and when you’re back to yourself and in control, you feel as if its no longer there. As if you’re trying so hard not to acknowledge what had happened the previous day. You find yourself in denial justifying it to yourself saying that you were simply emotional. So why is it almost always the same person you turn to when you’re in that state? Its not like you don’t have close friends or family either. But it doesn’t feel half the same with them. That’s when you wonder what would happen if you lost that person. Or if that person walks out of your life. And before you know it, you’ve pushed that thought aside as you don’t want to think about it. You jes tell yourself that if all goes down the drain there will always be others. But will there? Will you be able to find such a person again? Someone with whom you can feel that secure and at ease with? You look back into the past and realize that all your life you’ve never met someone like this before. Someone with whom you were able to take it to that level as if subconsciously. As if your inner self is longing for this and giving outbursts every now and then wishing you would listen to yourself for once instead of the people around you. Taking all the pros and cons to atleast consider it. When you’re all alone and when you really think about it all in a neutral point of view, you always arrive at the same answer. To go for it and give it a shot. But why is it so hard to accept it and actually take that step? Maybe its your insecurities. And you want to resolve those insecurities before you go for it. But then again is waiting really the way to go with it? When you think of waiting so many ‘what if’s start to arise the worst of which is that you might loose this person to someone else jes like that overnight. Whereas going for it is perfect in so many different ways and perspectives. But I guess it all comes down to actually having the faith to make that leap.