Hope you laugh ur arse off

THE FOLLOWING ARE THE TOP STORIES ON THE NEWS

*The great Jamboanee, eccentric human cannonball known for taking his lucky donkey to all of his performances escaped near tragedy today when the donkey climbed into the cannon muzzle just as Jamboanee was taking off. It took the surgeons 3 hrs to remove Jamboanee’s head from his Ass. Both are resting comfortably.

*A fight was started downtown by a man wearing a suit made completely of mirrors. The police said the man apologized once he had time to sit down and reflect.

*Donors are wanted for a man whose buttocks were blown off in an industrial accident. Doctors report “no end in sight”

*Nine out of ten Maldivians believe that out of ten people, one will always disagree with the other nine.

*Wives live longer than husbands because they are not married to women

*60’s musical group “the birds” today announced their 24th city re-union tour with their new band member George W.Bush. To save on money, Mr.Bush will play both guitar and drums. According to a spokesman, "a Bush in the band is worth two in the Birds".

*Psychic convention cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances

*A man is still in critical condition after swallowing 250,000 dollars in large bills. No change is expected

*95year old Fred Skippy was found NOT guilty today of sexual harassment. The 95yr old however was charged with “assault with a dead weapon”

*Convicted hitman Jimmy two shoes mc.Cardy, confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit that this may be the first known case of a Knick Knack Paddy Wack.

*NASA sends probe to Uranus. People everywhere giggle.

let me know if u didnt get any(highly doubt that happening). *whistle whistle*