Secret Pass

Here’s a small discussion that had happened concerning the whole secrecy issue. Btw, the people or incidents mentioned are all made up. If they weren’t made up, ill simply say “all characters, incidents and implications are made on purpose” :)

Say Ahmed goes and tells a secret of his to a friend(Ali) in total confidentiality. And then Ali decides to go and tell it to Hawwa saying it’s a story abt Ahmed. Ahmed one day finds out and “how could u Ali? I trusted u! U betrayed my trust, yada yada..”. then Ali goes to Hawwa and says “How could you Hawwa? I trusted u! U betrayed my trust, yada yada..”.

Now what we don’t get is, why the hell is Ali so furious with Hawwa? “U betrayed my trust”?? Duuude, u did the same thing so quit whining and trying to make a big issue out of it. First realize that before u go off barking at others.
Now we go to Ahmed. His justification for telling the secret is, “Ali is a close friend of mine, but still this was understandable. He even tells me about the secrets of other ppl as well”. Helloooo? Isn’t that enough reason for u NOT to tell him ur own secrets? Ok, he’s ur friend. SO heres what u do. Hang out with him, have fun, listen to his stories, be the understanding friend. BUT make sure that when u tell him something of urs, that its something he could never use against u. doesn’t matter how close a friend he is. NEVER trust anyone to that extent. Even ur gf’s and bf’s. jes look around u. ppl are breaking up all the time. Then theres the huge probability that they’d go off and tell their friends and their new loved ones about u and ur secrets. Im not saying not to trust anyone. Jes keep it at a limit. Be aware of what ur sharing and what u aren’t.

Something admirable about guys. I guess it’s a guy thing. Yea, most of us do talk abt stuff within a particular group of guys. They share pretty much everything. The admirable part is that it stays within the group. Lets say one guy in the group is having probs with his wife. He comes and shares it with the rest of the group. They all listen and then give him advice on what he could do. He goes and tries it out and everybody is happy. Now the others in the group, they might talk abt it among themselves when the bloke who is having problems aint there. But they’ll never share it with someone outside the group. I think that’s the best u can expect from people. Don’t hold on to that holy statement of urs “How could you? I trusted u! U betrayed my trust” and then jes go around telling stuff about urself which u don’t want others to know of. The funny thing is most of the time these so called secrets have been told by that person to over 20ppl or so. hehe. And STILL he expects every one of them to never tell a soul. Lol. Yes! Sometimes ur closest friends will talk abt u among themselves when ur not there. Live with it. Cos u do the same. Jes make sure it doesn’t leave that group. U aren’t satisfied with that? Theres always something else u could do as well. Don’t tell ANYONE :p

So heres the conclusion we came to.
*if someone tells u upfront that what he’s about to tell u is a secret or if its something personal about that person, shut ur mouth and keep it a secret even from ur closest friends. There’s a reason why ur friend chose to tell u and not the rest.
*if u decided to go tell a friend about someone else, accept that its probably gonna be heard by someone else as well and then go tell it. Don’t expect it to be a secret anymore.
*And if u wanna tell a secret about urself to a friend, make sure ur friend understands that its supposed to be a secret. Don’t jes go rattle off something about urself and expect him to understand that it’s a secret.
*one last thing. Something u can follow. “If u tell me a secret in total confidentiality, ill treasure it always. But If I find out about something which u chose NOT to tell me, don’t be surprised if I go and tell a bunch of ppl about it. And u DON’T get to use ur holy line cos u chose not to tell me and I found out on my own :)”

And I must say, a lot of guys follow that. Especially keeping stuff within a group. Though there are some who goes against that guy thing in hopes of getting laid or scoring big with the chicks. Heheh. But that’s another topic.

Note: well, we are all thinking it so here’s what Wikipedia has to say abt it.
“Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. But gossip has recently come to the attention of academia as a fruitful avenue of study, particularly in light of its relationship to both overt and implicit power structures.”